Even
before Milan’s management betrayed
the hearts of Milanisti worldwide this summer by selling Ibra and Thiago
Silva, it was clear this season was going to hurt. All in all we said
goodbye to fourteen players, and even if they had been replaced like for
like in quality, it would still be a while before they would be a team and we
could still not be playing our best football. But it was obvious that even
before the mercato they were buying inferior players.
And when PSG made them an offer they didn’t refuse, it was clear that we were
in for some massive pain. Add in Galliani’s “hands on” supervision and repeated
criticisms and confirmations of Allegri, and Allegri doing everything in his
power to undermine the quality we do have and blaming everyone but the man in
the mirror, and it has become painfully obvious that it is one of the worst
times to be a Milan fan in its almost 113 year history.
So
for today, I offer all Milanisti some ideas as to how to survive this season. For
example, you are more likely to survive if you don’t read Allegri’s comments.
In fact, everyone around you is more likely to survive if you observe this
simple tip. We all have different ways of coping. Some of us masochists watch
every game, others can only deal with life by not watching. In this climate,
there is no right or wrong way to cope, and no one is more or less of a fan
because of how they choose to deal with this horrible hand we’ve been dealt.
It’s all just about surviving, so it’s every fan for himself. Or we can stick
together, it’s your call.
The Drinking Game
Since
the first match of the season, we have played the Milan
Obsession Drinking Game to make it through each match. You can find the
rules for the game here,
but I have a few additional suggestions. First of all, be sure to always have plenty
of hard liquor on hand. This will be especially important with our schedule the
next two weeks. Secondly, lineups come out about an hour before each game and
are posted here. May I suggest you check them right away? If they look
particularly bad, you probably want to start drinking then. For example, if
Boateng is lined up as trequartista, you will definitely want to drink twice as
much as usual. I understand that you can become quite numb if you drink for a
whole hour straight, and this will help lessen the pain once it is time for
kickoff. Remember: Drink Responsibly. For Milan fans, that means drink often
and drink a lot.
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| Perfect for your dartboard, you can scream "Dai! Dai! Dai" (or "Die! Die! Die!") |
Darts
This
simple classic game can provide a lot of stress relief in our time of need. You
will need a dart board, a picture of Allegri, Berlusconi, Galliani, or your
most hated player(s), and some darts. Be certain to mount the board in a safe
location, not near your TV or computer screen, your siblings or children, your
pet(s), or your Nonna. Simply affix your picture(s) of choice to the board and
then throw the darts as hard and as often as you wish. If something makes you
particularly frustrated or angry, you may walk over to the board and stab the
picture repeatedly. Just be sure not to mistake anyone in your home for the pictured
offender.
Protect Your Viewing Area
If
you are anything like me, you may have already broken things this season as
you’ve watched our Budget Milan™. May I suggest removing all breakables and
sharp objects from your viewing area? You may also wish to give a warning to
the other people you live with and/or your neighbors. May I suggest printing
out the Serie A schedule so they will know when to lie low and to expect
yelling, screaming, wailing, and hysterical crying from your place? You may
also wish to inform them that there is no need to call the authorities if they
should hear things being smashed or pounding on the walls, furniture, or
floors. You are simply a Milan fan. They’ll understand by season’s end if they
don’t already.
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| The perfect Milan game viewing room - both in mood and for safety purposes |
Stick Together
The
phrase “misery loves company” could not be more true than for Milan fans this
year. While some wish to suffer in solitary pain, others find it helpful to
lean on each other for support. If you are reading this, you are likely one of
us. So feel free to come here and complain, yell, cry, or even laugh with us. There
is a new post for you to read every 48 hours or less, and someone is always
around during games to commiserate with. There are some simple guidelines for posting comments, but other than that, we are all here together to help each
other get through these dark times. Unless you’re a Juventus fan pretending to
be a Milan fan. Then you should probably go back to where you came from. But
other than that, let’s commiserate together and maybe even make light of a
terrible situation. With our season so far, obviously, all we have left is each
other. Besides, it is also much easier to plan a coup the more people we have.
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| Okay, maybe those aren't the shoulders to cry on. But they're sticking together. |
We
all know that management screwed us all over this year, and continues to do so
by sticking their heads in the sand and their PSG transfer monies in their
pockets. At the beginning of the season, it seemed clear that Allegri
should be replaced if we were to have any chance at success. But now, it is
clear to everyone except him and management that he is doing more harm than
good. We have inferior players, and Milan-quality players who are
underperforming. Morale and discipline are at an all-time low, and none of this
looks to be changing anytime soon. It hurts. And it seems like it is going to
keep hurting, possibly even to relegation. But we will survive. With whatever
coping mechanisms we can find, we’ll get through this together. Forshka
Mklilan!
This post inspired by the music of
Ludo
Our next match is
Napoli vs. Milan
Saturday, November 17 • 20:45 CET (2:45pm ET)