Given
Milan’s recent performances in the league, many are optimistic about our
chances in the Champions League. But the reality is that Milan qualified with
the worst stats, and primarily due to the misfortune and poor performances of
other teams in a comparatively weak group. So here we are, the underdogs in a
competition that we have historically dominated, winning 7 titles in 15
appearances. Which means that it doesn’t really matter what the outcome of the
draw is, we will be lucky to progress to the quarterfinals.
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| The world is your bottle... |
What
does matter is how drunk you will be when you find out about our next (and
likely final) Champions League opponent this season. So I present to you….
The Milan Obsession Drinking Game:
Champions League Draw Edition
First Rule: It’s never too early to
start drinking. (for example, 11:30 CET is 2:30am here) Drink before the draw,
during the draw, and after the draw. At this time of the year, plenty of people
drink, so it is fine.
Take One Drink If:
• We draw PSG
• We draw Schalke
• Due to some unforeseen technicality, we are disqualified
and don’t have to face any of these teams.
Take Two Drinks If:
• We draw PSG
• We draw Bayern Munich
• We draw Borussia Dortmund
Finish the Bottle If:
• We draw PSG
• Allegri makes any comments to the media about the draw
• Steve McManaman attempts to say anything knowledgable about Italian football
The theory is that if the draw goes well, you will drink enough to
remember, if it doesn't, you will drink enough to forget
Still hurting? Don’t worry, there will be
plenty of drinking throughout the mercato and during the Champions League
fixtures, as well as the rest of the season. A liver is a small thing to
sacrifice for our club.
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| The Champions League orbs of fate |
Now on to the draw… Milan’s
opponent for the Round of 16 is:
Barcelona
(no, that is not a typo, we are just really lucky)
(no, that is not a typo, we are just really lucky)
The entire results of the draw:
Our next match is
Roma vs. Milan*
Saturday, December 22 • 20:45 CET (2:45 EST)
*Pending the end of the world as predicted by the Mayan calendar