Taking
a note from Juve’s Drughi this week, and doing my best Chris Crocker impersonation,
I decided that rather than “moan” about the match, I would take you inside my dark and twisted mind and simply share my notes from this one. I am also
including a few of the comments I made on the blog (in red) and a few tweets
(in blue) that I made during the game, too.
My lawyers have also asked me to
remind you that these notes were made with a killer migraine and under the
stress of sharing a couch with the enemy. As these are just notes and comments,
I cannot be legally held responsible for anything said here. Also, no Uruk-hai,
child-size players, or husbands were harmed in the compilation of these
notes.
 |
| So they used a rainbow as their anti-racism message? Juve's PR department is a little behind the times, don't you think? (and yet this explains so much...) |
Upon seeing the lineups, I am impressed. I think Allegri is tired of coming to the blog and hearing me complain about Boateng up front. This could be good.
Also,
the Juve 3-5-1-1 is a stroke of genius on Conte’s part. All year, he’s tried to
play 2 strikers when they really don’t even have one.
First half:
First half:
2’
Robinho shoots just wide, but looking dangerous
4’
Boateng and Vidal mixing it up. I love the defensive contributions Boateng makes
when playing in the midfield.
6’ El
Shaarawy has a decent shot saved
6’
Robinho doing his best keeper impersonation in the middle of the field, (handball) free kick to Juve.
7’
Pirlo takes free kick, Ambrosini deflects it, forcing Abbiati to change
direction, but fantastic save
9’
Pazzini down, injured?
10’
Abbiati getting taped up, been clutching his right leg since the big save
Alright, who hurt my
Abbiati? I'll KILL THEM. (or something)
Why
would people be complaining about Abbiati’s injury as if he did something
wrong?
ABBIATI
GOT INJURED MAKING A SAVE THAT OTHER KEEPERS WOULDN'T HAVE MADE. BE HAPPY
AMELIA IS A DECENT BACKUP (AND THAT WE DIDN'T CONCEDE)
12’
Ambrosini had a shot wide
13’
Zapata denying Vucinic with the old “clotheslining” technique
14’
Amelia subbing on for Abbiati, who is injured
17’
Pogba has seen one too many Karate movies, and practiced his overhead bicycle
kicks too little. Montolivo ducks like a 12 year-old girl, too.
19’
Chiellini’s recovery was rather miraculous, don’t you think? Did he think there
weren’t enough girls to play this match?
20’
Constant dismissing the Uruk-hai’s (Lichtsteiner’s) attempted pass like King
Kong would swat down a plane.
20’
Asamoah trying out for the Sky Jousting™ tournament
21’
Milan’s defense is holding as well as or better than Juve’s legendary 5-man
midfield (Milan finished with 58% possession)
22’ If
only Pirlo would pass it to Ambrosini a little closer, maybe that shot wouldn’t
have gone wide. (Good thing Pirlo seems to have forgotten they're not teammates anymore)
23’ El
Shaarawy great shot from distance
25’ El
Shaarawy taking on 3 Juve defenders better than some players do in 1v1
situations.
26’
Ambrosini taking down Chiellini just like old times
27’
Abate has been beast, he puts a nice cross in for Robinho who couldn’t quite
control it
28’
Ambrosini shows Pirlo a little “gratitude,” Amelia saves his free kick after
another Ambrosini deflection. Pirlo getting lots of “thank yous” from his
former team today. Put that in your book, Pirlo.
33’
Where has the Uruk-hai gone to? Oh yeah, Constant’s kept him busy all night.
Muahahahah! I bet the Uruk-hai isn’t used to that! (I love you Constant!)
38’ It
took Chiellini and Asamoah to
dispossess Pazzini.
38’
Vucinic shot, easily saved by Amelia, who was doing his best Allegri
impression: “Calma Calma Calma.”
39’
Ambrosini getting his ankle taped up.
40’ El
Shaarawy schooling the Uruk-hai as the latter tries to position himself for a
shot on goal
41’
Marchisio offside, Amelia had it covered anyway
Also, I'm here, it's fine for Milan to score in these last couple
of minutes.
DID YOU
HEAR THAT, BOYS?
42’
Pazzini beats Bonucci, snakes through the box toward goal, stopped by
Chiellini
45’ El
Shaarawy fearlessly chasing down Chiellini. Robinho shoves him from behind,
doesn’t get carded for it. Chiellini is still on the ground complaining like a
girl again, looking for the call. Me: “Shut up! You got shoved down by a
Brazilian! Get up and be a man!”
Halftime:
Conte runs away like the girl whose hair transplants he got.
Second half:
 |
| The fateful save |
Second half:
Muntari
replaces Ambrosini at the half.
Seems like our boys figured out how to get Allegri to sub early,
they just get injured. :(
2-3
injuries, 2 subs in the first 45 min.
47’
Juve on attack, Chiellini tries a header that goes over the bar
50’
Boateng replies with a shot wide. But his accuracy is much better when he plays
in midfield.
54’
Abate takes down Chiellini like a boss
I LOVE YOU ABATE!!!
54’
Vucinic goes down in the box while Zapata was simply in the same country, looks for
the call, Banti does not oblige
IF VUCINIC WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT CALL, I WOULD HAVE COMMITTED
MURDER.
(AND MY HUSBAND IS NEAREST TO ME.)
YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A LOT OF CAPSLOCK TODAY.
I AM A WOMAN WITH A MIGRAINE WHO MISSED THE FIRST HALF OF *HER*
GAME.
AND MY TEAM HAS NOT YET SCORED.
YOU HAVE
BEEN WARNED
56’
Asamoah charging in the box, Amelia goes to stop him, gets a touch on the ball,
but Asamoah is “taken down.” Banti gives Amelia the yellow card and awards Juve
the penalty. (sigh) I guess this is more than fair, we won the last game because of a poor ref call.
Vidal
steps up, converts the penalty in the upper right hand corner, now way anyone
could stop that. 1-0 Juve.
I
SHOULD WARN YOU ALL THAT I AM A WOMAN WITH A MIGRAINE WHO MISSED THE 1ST HALF
OF MY GAME. AND MY HUSBAND'S TEAM JUST SCORED ON A PK.
SO
DON'T MESS WITH ME OR MY ABBIATI.
63’
Mexes and his girlfriend du jour, Chiellini, get a little warning from the ref
for their hugging and kissing
THIS
IS WHY I'M USUALLY NOT ON TWITTER DURING GAMES.
YOU
WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY
66’
Zapata gets a yellow because Vucinic loves him
68’
Aannnd…. Another Vucinic fail
70’
Milan clearance on aisle 5. Damn, our defense is on tonight.
71’
Mexes yellow…. can’t leave the pitch without one
73’
Boateng puts in a dangerous cross. I still hate the hair, but see how much more
I love you in the midfield?
73’
Aaandd… Montolivo showing his class. Lucky not to see yellow on that one.
74’
Muntari takes a shot, Buffon catches it so as to be very clear it did not cross the
line
77’ The
Uruk-hai trying not to kill Boateng, the one player we all mutually wish was
dead
80’
Padoin on for the Uruk-hai
80’ I
punched the husband for cheering his team, but did not give him a yellow. (He
was bragging “I think that was our first sub.” Probably should have punched him
harder.)
82’ My
son punched his dad because I told him to
83’
Bojan leveled by Chiellini (he probably just didn’t see Bojan.)
84’
Boateng trying to teach Asamoah his over-the-back circus routine, but Asamoah
is not a fast learner.
86’
Montolivo shoots the ball, but realizes that there must be some kind of magnet
in the ball and Buffon’s hands
88’ I
am trying the counter-cheering to my husband, who is rooting for Vidal. Then I
suddenly realize that Vidal is on my Fantasy team. Now I have a conundrum.
89’
Mexes shoots the ball wide
90’
Quags comes on for Vucinic. Conte is just trolling with the subs now.
91’
Montolivo is playing bouncy ball with Buffon, but Buffon’s gloves win again
92’
Peluso on for Asamoah. Timewasting and
trolling? Uggggh.
1-0 Juve FINAL.
AND I CAN'T
EVEN CRY ON HIS SHOULDER BECAUSE ITS COVERED IN BLACK AND WHITE STRIPES.
If
there’s anything I learned from our fixtures with Juventus this year, it’s that
the refs simply want to make it to their cars in safety. The calls say it all.
Also, I
predicted the determining factor of this match in my gamepost:
The White Hand of Conte means nothing.
Everyone knows this game will be
decided by the ref.
This freaks me out. I should do something with these powers.
YOU
JUVE PEOPLE SHOULD COME RESCUE MY HUSBAND FROM ME.
IT'S
NOT PRETTY HERE.
I'M
JUST SAYIN.
PEOPLE,
I REALLY AM A NICE PERSON. JUST NOT RIGHT NOW. #KeepSposatoAlNemicoSafe
IT
REALLY HAS MORE TO DO WITH THE MIGRAINE THAN THE LOSS, BUT THE LOSS ISN'T
HELPING. #KeepSposatoAlNemicoSafe
 |
| Well done, boys. I'm proud of you |
Okay,
so not sure why everyone is blaming Allegri on this one. I think our boys
played very well. I thought his lineups were great, 2 of his 3 subs were forced
by injury, the third is exactly what I would have done, and by the 70th minute,
too. He showed some brains and flexibility to relegate Boateng to the midfield,
and it worked. The penalty conceded was the determining factor in this match,
and Allegri had nothing to do with that. LEAVE ALLEGRI ALONE!
I was
proud of Milan. We fought the good fight. It was a heartbreaking loss considering
the results of the day, as Fiorentina are now only one point behind us, and Napoli
are a full seven points ahead of us, so 2nd place is all but out of the
question, and third place is now in even greater doubt. But I kinda thought we
outplayed Juve, even if only marginally, especially in the first half. And when
you look at the number of fouls (which is a stat that often shows a disparity
in quality) we had almost double theirs, 19 fouls to their 10. With much more quality, we matched them almost shot for shot, kept more possession, and would have gotten the point were it not for the unfortunate incident with Amelia. Could we have
even imagined such a thing in September? To go to Juventus Stadium and play as
well as the big boys? It’s disappointing to end our undefeated streak, but there
is no shame in losing to the league leaders. You could, however, argue, that
there is shame in being a Juve fan, so I will hold my tear-stained face high
and say “Leave Milan alone!”
This post inspired by a raging migraine
Our next match is
Milan vs. Catania
Sunday, April 28 • 20:45 CEST (2:45pm EDT