It just had to be him. Going to Juventus Stadium with a
beleaguered squad and sinking morale, there was only one person who could make
things right. And he did, twice. Unfortunately, he also emphasized another
point: that Milan lack the quality, depth, and leadership to completely get the job done.
So even if he scored a brace against the team that made him infamous, his
revenge was just not enough.
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| Revenge is a dish best served within 19 seconds. |
The player I speak of, obviously, is Sulley “the Killer”
Muntari. Tonight he changed the meaning of “il gol de Muntari” from a childish
Juventus fan taunt stemming from his previously disallowed goal into something
for every Juventus fan to fear. In just 19 seconds, a cross from former
Juventus player Nocerino found Muntari in an ultimately opportune spot, and he
tapped it in beyond perhaps the greatest keeper of all time, Buffon. 1-0 Milan.
In less than 30 seconds.
I don’t know about you, but I was in shock. And I am not
sure if my resident Juventino recovered from it faster than me, but it took a
while for us both. Probably by the time Rocchi intercepted a Milan pass in the
6th minute to turn it over to Juventus, I might have been breathing
normally again. But then the barrage of Juve shots started, forcing Abbiati
repeatedly into heroic saves. Which then gave Juventus repeated opportunities
to score on corner kicks, but to their credit, Milan defended four corners in
the first 11 minutes successfully.
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| Muntari, Zapata, & Abate showing what 3 stars look like... or something, anyway. |
After his successful interception, Gianluca Rocchi, having been previously banned for “helping” Milan in a match, started with the card
distribution. The first yellow of the game went to De Jong for a tackle in the
14th, meaning he will miss the match vs. Udinese for card accumulation. It also
gave Juve a free kick in a great spot, as proven by Pirlo’s goal in the 15th.
1-1 all. His ball curled downward exactly at the wrong moment for Abbiati, who
got a hand on it, but couldn’t stop it because of the dip.
Constant then got his yellow for attempting to contain
Tevez, Rocchi’s judgment seemed as inconsistent as ever. But it wasn’t half as
ridiculous as the yellow Bonucci got for snuggling with Robinho’s face in the
23rd. It looked like he wanted to headbutt the Brazilian (and be honest,
haven’t we all a times?) But he didn’t. Which opportunity Robinho then took to
channel his inner Neymar and fall to the ground as if he’d been shot. Yellow
card for Bonucci. Really, Rocchi?
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| Pirlo got a bit of revenge, too, as if 2 more Scudetti wasn't revenge enough |
Zapata took a shot that was saved, Matri turned the ball
over to his ex-teammates, Montolivo was playing too close to goal to lob a long
ball forward. In the 42nd, Constant was shoving Tevez in the box, a very
dangerous pastime. And when Tevez was down from the contact, he handled the
ball, too. But play resumed, Milan got possession (just like they would have if the handball was called), and fouls resumed, too, called
or not.
The biggest controversy of the game was in the 50th, when
Mexes punched Chiellini, and the ref missed it completely. What is it about
Milan that turns Chiellini into a crying little girl? I mean, the punch was
real, and Mexes was completely wrong, but I actually liked the tough Chiellini
that would have stood up and at least threatened to punch Mexes back (even
though that would have made things worse.) Maybe they put estrogen in the water
at Vinovo to help with Conte’s hair growth, I don’t know. But what Mexes did
was still worse than acting like a little girl. Vergogna.
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| "Leave Matri alnoe!!!" |
In the 53rd, Robinho had a chance that was shut down. And
it’s a real shame, too, because that would have been a Matri assist. Matri also
got a talking to by Rocchi in the 64th for an attempted tackle on Bonucci.
Maybe if I list every single thing he did, it will justify his cost somehow.
But none of it will justify the way Giovinco came on in the 67th and almost
immediately scored, 2-1 Juve.
Somewhere in there, Mexes was apparently shown a yellow.
Although it did not show up on my broadcast, and Mexes didn’t seem to know
about it, either. But to Allegri’s credit, after going down a goal, he finally
subbed Niang on for Nocerino. However, it was kind of too little too late, as Mexes
got what turned out to be a second yellow for a crunching tackle in the 75th minute which saw Milan go down to 10 men. It also guarantees an Udinese game without
him, too. And it also awarded another free kick to our old friend Pirlo, which was
stopped, but Chiellini the girl kicked it in. 3-1 Juventus.
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| Both of these players have 3 league goals this season. Think about that for a minute. |
After having lost Mexes, Allegri brought Zaccardo on for
Robinho in the 75th. Those cards really hurt us today. Not only were 2 of the
goals scored from the ensuing free kicks, but they forced Allegri into a
defensive sub, preventing him from throwing on all the strikers, as is his preferred tactic (singular.) He did,
however bring Poli on for De Jong in the 84th, although I’m not sure why. And
just when you thought the day was completely lost, Muntari scored again in the
90th on an assist from superstar Constant. 3-2 Juve. It was a bit lucky, as
Bonucci’s deflection sent Buffon the wrong way, but I’ll take it. And Muntari
rewarded himself with a yellow card in the 92nd, which was surprisingly his
first card of the season.
Okay, if this was any other season, I would be crying right
now. But given the depths we have recently sunk to, this wasn’t a horrible
display. The players had a lot more intensity and drive in this match compared
to others, and Muntari got his revenge on Juventus. Aside from the fact that
the history books will only show that Juventus took full points, and also that
we only have 8 points and are back to 12th on the table, there was enough
improvement from other games for me to not take the cyanide pill I had been
saving for such an occasion. Now I can at least save it for after the
International Break.
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| At least it started nicely, in a minute of solidarity for the victims of the Lampedusa tragedy. |
I do expect to lose or draw now, we just don’t have the
quality, and any tactics that Allegri once had at his disposal seem to have
gone missing along with his grasp on reality in his press conferences. Couple that with everything that is going on at Milan from top to
bottom and the Injury Armageddon™, I guess I just feel better when we do
anything that is not absolutely horrifying. Have I lowered my expectations? Definitely.
Do I see any end in sight to this abomination of Milan? No. But I will still be
here, week after week, to support the team. I guess I have lost my grasp on reality, too. Oh, well. Most importantly, Muntari got his
revenge. So good for him.
This post inspired by the music of Elaine’s Christmas Mix
(because Allegri promised that Milan
will be in another position on the table before Christmas.)