They say that there is no abuse in love. Clearly, they have
never been a Milan fan. And just like a child of an abusive parent, I have red
and black blood, so it makes things even harder to sort out. For the past two
summers, though, the abuse has increased exponentially. So, like a child who
learns to lay low when daddy comes home smelling of alcohol, you’d think I
would expect the douchebaggery
that has kicked off yet another alcoholic summer.
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| "Fans should thank me when I sell the best players and sack all of my coaches" |
I thought that after Allegri, things would be different. I
even wrote about that abusive relationship after Seedorf’s first league game at
the helm. But I should have known that papa Berlusconi would fall off
the wagon again. He
told me it would be different this time, but we all know that addicts
are not in control of their lives. And Berlusconi and
Galliani certainly are behaving like addicts.
Sometimes, I try to think about walking away. After last
summer’s drunken douchebaggery, I wrote “I
Wish I Could Quit You.” But despite all of that abuse, I stuck around
for more. The summer before that was the pushing out of i
Senatori and the sale of Ibra & Silva,
but still I came back for more.
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| No, this wasn't their reaction for breaking free of the abuse, but it could have been |
People have called my obsession with Milan unhealthy, and
they’re probably right. Being in an abusive relationship does warp your sense
of reality and destroy your self esteem. But this relationship is different
than real life abusive relationships. First of all, because there have been
happy times. Times when we played good football and times when we won trophies.
There have also been a lot of good people in my life as a
result of this relationship. People like i
Senatori, who gave me so much to smile about on the pitch, and have lived
exemplary lives off of the pitch, too. From them I learned about heart, belief,
determination, and integrity, amongst other things. They are the kinds of
people I want my children to have to look up to.
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| How could I ever walk away from this history and these heroes? |
The game itself is not always beautiful, but it gives me
something to wake up for at 3:30am on a Sunday. It gives me something to look
forward to, even in the worst injury crisis, or even after signing a player
like Matri. For 90 minutes, all of the abuse gets put on hold, and I can watch
my team win or lose… but I can watch. And even in the worst of games, I am
always grateful to been able to watch my boys play.
So I stick around, like anyone in an abusive relationship
does. Sure, I should have noticed the red flags, but they were all checkered
and striped with black. Maybe there was a time that I could have walked away,
before I got too invested. But even with the worst douchebaggery our management
have to offer, I am tied to this club by a bond that is more powerful than
family: I am a Milan fan.
This post inspired by the music of
Nirvana’s “Rape Me”