Ahead of the World Cup, Balotelli has given us some epic
sound bites: “People will always want to
talk about Mario. They will always want to write about Mario. I’m used to that
now. But for me, it’s time to make people talk about what I’m doing on the
pitch. I want to be one of the best players in the world, and usually all the
legends are born at the World Cup.” So I decided that if legends are born at the
World Cup, it’s time for me to step it up. I want to become like Balotelli.
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| The resemblance is uncanny |
First of all, Elaine will talk about Elaine in third person, as all
legends do. Because Elaine is badass like Balotelli, and she knows it.
Maybe she doesn’t drive her Ferrari on a go kart track, mainly because she
doesn’t have one, but she has ridden an ATV and has the badass scar to prove it.
Like Mario, she was born in the wrong country, or so it
seems. Her whole life, people have told her this, and her love of AC Milan and
football in general gets her a lot of abuse, even if she doesn’t see why it
should. And, like Super Mario said, legends are born at the World Cup. Well so
was her love of football, so she should already be a legend. And can you please
refer to her as Super Elaine? She would like that very much.
Balotelli interviews
himself, Elaine likes to interview herself
Other similarities between Elaine and Mario include her love
of pigs. Mario has a pet pig, Super Elaine likes to eat pigs… well at least
bacon. She also likes fireworks, although she prefers to burn Christmas trees
as opposed to bathrooms. Whereas Mario’s difficulties with dressing himself
extended a bit later in his life, Elaine actually spent the night in a hospital
when very young after certain difficulties with getting dressed. It's almost as if they are twins.
Mario likes to fight and enjoys training in mixed martial
arts. Super Elaine grew up in a large family, so of course mixed martial arts
means something slightly different to her, but she is very experienced. And just
like Super Mario, there are a lot of misconceptions about her online,
but Milan has grounded her and made her very happy.
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| Super Elaine also looks badass with the Italian flag wrapped around her |
Most importantly, Super Elaine feels very Italian and shares
a love of the Italian National Team, just like Super Mario. Her football fan
legend status was born at her first World Cup, and now she is hoping that her
idol, Balotelli, will also become a legend at this World Cup. Not so much for
the British Press’ bizarre obsession with his off-the-pitch antics, but rather
for just being Balotelli. Just like we all want to be.
This post inspired by the music of
Ministry