So Sunday we invite the Eagles to our house, something I
don’t recommend you doing on a personal level, as they are quite large and may
eat your pets or small children. But the San Siro is large enough, and if they
had a pitch invader like Barcelona
had last weekend, then the eagles might actually come in handy. Other
than that, it’s hard to look at this game with much optimism, given that we
haven’t yet received our CHAMPION STRIKER GIFT FROM THE PRESIDENT* as of this
writing. (*no money back guarantee, you’ll take what His Majesty gives you, use
of the word “champion” may apply to past performances or not at all, the only
people expecting an actual champion are those who are over 70 years old and
clearly delusional.)
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| Those eagles can certainly be dangerous |
So where was I? Oh yes. Lazio. Funny, Lotito is widely
regarded as much crazier than Berlusconi, having done some very rash things
like freeze players out, having them train in cages and such, shamelessly
endorse a racist for FIGC president, and generally anger Lazio fans whenever he
opens up his mouth or does anything at all. Berlusconi is much more sinister,
he tries to put on a good face, and is apparently very charismatic, but his
destruction of the club he owns is slower and more painful. Another difference
is that when things got really bad, Lotito has actually made efforts to appease
the fans, whereas Berlusconi simply hops in his helicopter, flies to Milanello,
says a bunch of words, and hopes the guys believe it enough to win, never even
addressing the fans (except on very special occasions, and then only very
condescendingly.) Because actually buying quality players and getting his
money’s worth from his wage bill is clearly not within his vocabulary.
But I digress. This isn’t about the mercato anymore, it’s
about football. Or is it? Because the football will be directly impacted by the
mercato. Specifically Milan’s football. Inzaghi has said that the club knows
what his desires are in the mercato, but if he doesn’t get them, the team will
win on grit and determination instead. So I hope he’s got an endless supply of grit
and determination and is piping it into both Milanello and the San Siro as we
speak. Because heaven knows he’s not getting the players he wants. None of us
are. Inzaghi also wants a full San Siro on Sunday, so let's hope he's not been drinking the same Kool-Aid that management have been drinking and he can actually conjure up that grit and determination stuff.
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| "What?! I have a thigh injury and can't face off against the club without a star striker?!" |
Lazio, on the other hand, did get some players they
wanted/needed. Enough to keep the masses from killing Claudio Lotito and also
to continue supporting their club. They did that… what is it called…. oh yeah…
“improve” their squad thing. In addition to his usual band of thugs plus Klose,
Pioli now also has Parolo, Basta, De Vrij, and Gentiletti at his disposal. He
doesn’t, however have Pereirinha available due to suspension, and is missing at
least Marchetti due to injury.
Milan will be missing De Sciglio and Mexes due to
suspension. Also, obviously, Montolivo is still out with his long term
injury/long term honeymoon and travel plans. There may be others who miss due
to “injury” (as in "imminent transfer)" or actual knocks they’ve picked up in training.
But hopefully De Jong has recovered from his “injury,” as keeping him really
may be widely viewed by fans as the signing of the season. And since we won’t
have Balotelli anymore, I’m sure Muntari is gearing up to take his place as our
most prolific striker when he is not trying to replicate Genghis Khan’s finest
work against our opponent in the midfield.
Hopefully Pazzini has
reason to give us an encore of this fine celebration on Sunday
But Serie A is back. Amidst more controversy than ever with
the FIGC’s new racist and sexist president, clubs not going to be immediately
fined/banned for singing about clubs located near an active volcano, and also after
a very divisive and poor World Cup performance from the Italian national team.
It’s like being a kid trying to sleep the night before Christmas. Except
instead of dreams of sugarplums and actual presents, Milan fans are having
nightmares of Torres in a Milan jersey that are more likely than not going to
become real before this match even kicks off. But one way or the other, we will face
those persistent eagle problems at the San Siro on Sunday. Let’s just hope we
find a way to avoid their talons and their brute squad, too. Because this
season, no injuries will be like a victory. Forza
Milan!
This post inspired by the music of
Danny Elfman’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas”
Milan vs. Lazio
Sunday, August 31 • 18:00 CEST (12noon EDT)
This match will be shown live on RAI in the US
Check comments for stream links ahead of the match