I am so pissed off right now, I can barely type this.
Normally I wait to write about these kinds of things until they are official,
but this one is so obviously going to happen, it’s not even funny. I speak, of
course, of the renewal of Montolivo’s contract. Sorry, that’s “Captain”
Montolivo, or so I’m told. He represents the scourge of Milan these past three
years, and the lowest common denominator of Berlusconi and Galliani’s decision
making. You can call him whatever you want, heaven knows that when the kids
aren’t around I’ve called him unspeakable things. But I refuse to call him one
thing: Captain. He is not my captain.
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| A fake trophy lifted by a fake captain. How ironic. |
Set aside Montolivo’s “skills” and let’s just talk about
what he does as a leader. Nothing. Not one thing. Unless you count leading the
insurrection to get two coaches fired so far (and another attempt this season,
too.) And when he leads these mutinies, he miraculously always plays the next
game. This time, it’s earned him 13 straight appearances. Appearances at the
position of one Nigel De Jong, a player who has actually played in a World Cup
Final, amongst other things. Something Montolivo is highly unlikely to ever
accomplish. Unless he rats someone out or keeps getting coaches fired until he
finds one who can get to a World Cup and do it with Montolivo on the pitch.
Good luck with that one, Monto.
I may also be overlooking his leadership skills in the
vacation photo department. When he was injured, he would tweet vacation pics of
he and his wife while Milan were
playing, even if it was only a friendly. Contrast that with De Jong, long
before he wore the armband, who was rehabbing in a timezone nine hours away
from Italy, and would still tweet good luck or congrats when the team played.
Or he would tweet photos of his rehab efforts or inspirational quotes as he
went along. No vacation pics at all. Sorry, Montolivo, but posting vacation
photos while your team is playing does not make you a leader of anything except
being a giant douchebag.
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| "Thank you sir, for stealing the armband and giving it to me. It's so silky!" |
Montolivo used to be the leader of losing the ball on the
pitch, but now Cerci has come along and taken that from him, too. He led the
league in recovered balls, but it was kind of unfair, since he was recovering all
of the balls he lost… no one else in the league loses so many at that position.
On the pitch, he is the first one to complain to the ref and
the last one to shut up about the most ridiculous and innocuous things. You
might say that it is the captain’s job to speak to the referee on behalf of his
team, and you would be right. Only Montolivo did it even while not wearing the
armband. Because he’s just a whiner by nature. He has the diplomacy of Donald
Trump out there, only no one will be voting for Montolivo to be captain.
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| "I've been told I have to start you, so..." |
Which brings me to my favorite part of his fairy tale (yes,
I did just call him a fairy.) How he got the armband in the first place. After
being at the club only a year, when Ambrosini was told he was retiring… wait,
when Galliani announced to the public that Ambrosini was not being renewed,
having not consulted Ambrosini at all, he also announced that Montolivo would wear
the captain’s armband, having not consulted the rightful heir, vice-captain at
the time Abbiati, either. It was almost as if the armband was written into his
contract, having pissed off Fiorentina when he was negotiating with Milan and
giving up his captaincy there. Truly, there can be no other explanation. There
were a number of other players in line for the captaincy that were not only
more deserving, but better leaders on and off the pitch.
But the best part of extending Montolivo is that we are
taking an average, inconsistent, aging midfielder who has had big injuries, and
signing him for another three years. He’s turning 31 next month, the age that
Pirlo was when he was told he couldn’t have a renewal of more than one year.
Sure, maybe Montolivo is taking a pay cut of his already overpriced €3,5m
salary. But he is also handcuffing us to his slow pace, compulsive long balls,
overall mediocrity, poor leadership, and I’m sure still too big of salary for
three more years. This move represents every bad mistake Galliani has made
since 2007. Only it highlights his “biggest regret” – letting Pirlo go. So
having made that mistake, he is trying to make up for it by hanging on to
someone not even half of Pirlo’s talent or character. Which is worse than twice
as bad.
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| Loki is right... but he's really only the god of the long balls |
I am absolutely furious, this is completely disgusting.
Montolivo should have never come to Milan in the first place, let alone been
given the captain’s armband. He is no leader, not on the pitch or off of it.
His hysterics that got Seedorf and eventually Inzaghi fired are pathetic and not
only should they have never been rewarded, they should have never even been
tolerated. He is a whining, backstabbing, pathetic, poor excuse for a man, and
almost as bad of a player. Milan has suffered with him for three years already,
we can NOT afford to suffer him three more years. You can call him whatever you
want, but he is NOT my captain.
This post inspired by @pdacquaviva’s
favorite hashtag #NotMyCaptain
Our next match is
Milan vs. Hellas Verona
Sunday, December 13 • 15:00 CET (9am EST)