Where Are They Now? part II

Do you ever wonder what has happened to some of our ex-Milan players? In my second installment of the question that is on everyone’s mind, I've compiled another list of some former players, the years they played for Milan, and their current whereabouts and pastimes.*

Andrea Pirlo (2001-2011)

Following 10 successful years at AC Milan, Pirlo wanted a new challenge, so this summer he went to Juventus to try to help them win another Scudetto. But having realized the error of his ways, he repented by becoming a footballing monk and practicing a more humane flogging technique of wearing a bubble gum pink jersey. At night, he moonlights as a werewolf.

Stefano Borgonovo (1986-1990)

Although Borgonovo spent most of his time at Milan on loan to Como and Fiorentina, his terrible misfortune of contracting ALS has allowed him to raise awareness of the horrible disease with the support of many Serie A stars. In fact, when Pippo scored his 70th European goal last season, he rushed to Borgonovo’s bedside for as visit with a signed jersey to be auctioned off for ALS research.

Digão (2005-2011)

The player formerly known as Rodrigo Izecson dos Santos Leite but most commonly known as Kaká’s little brother, he spent virtually all of his time on the Milan books on loan to such world class clubs as Rimini and Crotone. But his biggest contribution to football will remain that he nicknamed his older brother when he was little, being unable to say “Ricardo.” Unlike his brother, who belongs to Jesus, Digão belongs to the IPU.

Željko Kalac (2005-2009)

Proof that once you go Milan, you can’t go back, the Australian born of Croatian descent hung up his gloves after playing in Greece for only a year following his departure from AC Milan. Nicknamed “the Spider” in his keeping days, he has returned down under to terrorize naughty children with his long, gangly arms and legs and spider-like good looks.

Zvonimir Boban (1991-2002)

The former AC Milan star, famous for his talents on and, well… on the pitch, has stayed involved with football as a journalist in both his home of Croatia and Milan’s Italy. A rare footballer of scholarly interests, he received a degree in History from the University of Zagreb and enjoys playing a bit of tennis in between the business of owning his own self-named bar in Zagreb.

Cafu (2003-2008)

Despite coming to Milan by way of Roma, the name Cafu conjures up many happy memories of the former right back. Since retiring from Milan and football altogether, Cafu continues to send the Italian government proof of his Italian-nationality-by-marriage to further clear his name from the forged Italian passport scandal in 2001. The rest of the time, he basks in the glory of being included on Pele’s List.

Cesare Maldini (1954-1966)

Perhaps best known for creating the most perfect captain AC Milan has ever known, few people realize that he has also done quite a bit of coaching since retiring as a player in 1968, including 2 brief stints at the helm of Milan in 1973-74 and again briefly in 2001. He currently works as an analyst for Al Jazeera, and is also known to spout off in the Italian media about anything or anyone on a whim.

Clarence Seedorf (2002-2011)

After learning that fans were calling him “Slowdorf,” he retired from AC Milan to spend more time with his daughter, Sunshine. Although due to his tendency to hang onto things such as the ball, you may still see him playing. (Shhh… don’t mention the retirement, it’s kind of a surprise.) Also, after having been knighted in the Order of Orange-Nassau by the Netherlands earlier this year, he has insisted on being called Sir Clarence. And while he may be slowing down, he’s still one tough cookie, so I suggest you oblige.

Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (2009-2010)

Like a tragic love story, Huntelaar’s association with AC Milan was far too brief. Want to know what he’s been up to since he left? SCORING. Like Justin Bieber in an all girls school, for club and country. (CENSORED)

Franco Baresi (1977-1997)

The man who retired the #6 and is known by many as THE Captain of Milan came back and coached some of the youth teams at Milan for a while. He has also unwittingly become the face of It’s-Cool-to-Be-Balding International and enjoys a good golf tournament for charity. But, missing his days as a sweeper, he has taken a job as a custodian at the San Siro, where it is rumored that nothing gets past him.

Giuseppe Favalli (2006-2010)

Since retiring from Milan and from football in 2010, Favalli bought a small ship and loaded it up with other ex-Inter players and hangs around in the law abiding waters of Somalia. As captain of the ship, and having gotten a taste for stealing bling when he was amongst the Inter squad who were awarded the Paper Scudetto of 2006, he and his mates may or may not acquire bling from other ships not bearing their Jolly Roger flag. The scurvy bilge rats.

David Beckham (2009, 2010)

Despite only two brief loan spells at AC Milan, who wouldn’t claim Beckham as an ex-player? Even if we are the ones who broke him and ruined his chance to play in his 4th World Cup. But Beckham has been busy, playing for the only club on earth to win the illustrious-yet-imaginary Champions of the Universe title, the Los Angeles Galaxy. He has also personally reinvigorated the clearly lifeless Hollywood social scene and tabloid industry, as well as making more baby Beckhams with silly names with his Spice Girl wife, Victoria.

*Sources include but are not limited to Santa Claus, Wikischmedia, The Tooth Fairy, and my own delusions (all equally reliable sources.)

This post inspired by the music of the Talking Heads.