Champions League Draw: Pick Your Poison

Given Milan’s recent performances in the league, many are optimistic about our chances in the Champions League. But the reality is that Milan qualified with the worst stats, and primarily due to the misfortune and poor performances of other teams in a comparatively weak group. So here we are, the underdogs in a competition that we have historically dominated, winning 7 titles in 15 appearances. Which means that it doesn’t really matter what the outcome of the draw is, we will be lucky to progress to the quarterfinals.

The world is your bottle...

What does matter is how drunk you will be when you find out about our next (and likely final) Champions League opponent this season. So I present to you….

The Milan Obsession Drinking Game:

Champions League Draw Edition

First Rule: It’s never too early to start drinking. (for example, 11:30 CET is 2:30am here) Drink before the draw, during the draw, and after the draw. At this time of the year, plenty of people drink, so it is fine.

Take One Drink If:

• We draw PSG

• We draw Schalke

• Due to some unforeseen technicality, we are disqualified and don’t have to face any of these teams.

Take Two Drinks If:

• We draw PSG

• We draw Bayern Munich

• We draw Borussia Dortmund

Finish the Bottle If:

• We draw PSG

• Allegri makes any comments to the media about the draw

• Steve McManaman attempts to say anything knowledgable about Italian football

The theory is that if the draw goes well, you will drink enough to

remember, if it doesn't, you will drink enough to forget

Still hurting? Don’t worry, there will be plenty of drinking throughout the mercato and during the Champions League fixtures, as well as the rest of the season. A liver is a small thing to sacrifice for our club.

The Champions League orbs of fate

Now on to the draw… Milan’s opponent for the Round of 16 is:

Barcelona
(no, that is not a typo, we are just really lucky)

The entire results of the draw:

Our next match is

Roma vs. Milan*

Saturday, December 22 • 20:45 CET (2:45 EST)

*Pending the end of the world as predicted by the Mayan calendar