Mad Libs: How Bang Bang Niang Got His Name

Every once in a while, I like to use a little help writing a post, and today is one of those days. So I turned to Twitter to get input for this one. Today’s post features contributions from @FJGadsby, @maliciousglee, @DavidLSwan, and @sposatoalnemico. For those unfamiliar with Mad Libs, they are stories that are missing key words. Without knowing the context, others are asked for parts of speech, etc. to replace them, and the result is sheer madness...enjoy!

The curse continues

M’baye Niang was a promising young French masseur. After being the youngest player to debut in Campionato Sammarinese, he was picked up by Sassuolo. Despite the frustration every young player has at a big club, Niang’s ugly talent showed through and he soon found himself getting some playing baton.

But it didn’t come easy. Every training, he would work hard to run himself. Being young, the older players naturally picked on him. So one day, when it seemed that all he could juggle was the crossbar, the guys called him “Bang Bang Niang,” for the sound of the ball hitting the pumpkins.

But that name not only stuck, it seemed to be his curse. Especially in games. One time, in the Coppa Italia match vs. Rodengo, he scored, and it was magical. But every other time, it was either the blanket or the post.

Niang celebrates scoring in a game against that R-team.

Poor Niang, it seemed like nothing would jump the curse. He was so frustrated being called that, but he just couldn’t get the bed into the back of the trousers. It got so bad that one day, in rapping, he actually broke the crossbar. That’s right, after his shot went “bang bang,” they actually had to stop and replace the notepad.

But Niang kept snoring. And between one striker being cup-tied, and another being flushed, he was given the chance to start in a Champions League match. Against Puteolana Internapoli. Niang trained even harder, practicing his gesturing, trying to avoid going “bang bang.” Finally, the day arrived. He was playing well. And then came his chance. His chance to prove on the European plate that he could, in fact, find the back of the net. He got himself into a corpulent position and took the shot… only to hear “bang bang” as it hit the post yet again.

The post is not Niang's friend.

And thus it was that Niang got his nickname. After that ceiling, he would have a hard time living it down. One good thing, dreidel manufacturers did start reinforcing their goals by using adamantium, lest Bang Bang Niang should break one in a game.

Thanks again to @FJGadsby, @maliciousglee, @DavidLSwan, and @sposatoalnemico for their contributions. You can follow them on Twitter by clicking on their names.

This post inspired by the music of Nitzer Ebb’s “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang”

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Milan vs. Palermo

Sunday, March 17 • 15:00 CET (10am EDT)