Milan-Lazio Preview: Gnarly Eagles

Okay, so I was like totally thinking about the game tomorrow, and I was like “Dude, what’s up with Lazio?" They were like totally trippin’, and then all of a sudden they’re like “Heyyy, now.” Yeah, like totally just in time for Milan. Thanks, Eagle dudes. It’s like a total buzzkill.

Eagles are like totally awesome. Unless they come from Rome. Then they totally blow.

So like Lazio were like completely thrashed. Well not completely thrashed. Their record this season was like a W-L-W-L-W-D-D-L and finally a bodacious win on Sunday against Cagliari. In spite of the fact that Petcovic’ squad is pretty wasted right now, with an injury list almost as maxed out as Milan’s, they put on a way better performance on Sunday, so I gotta admit I’m not so stoked about meeting them tomorrow. Although their injury list is seriously messed up: Dias, Vinicius, Konko, Biava (all defenders,) and Lulic (midfield) and Alfaro  (striker.) So maybe for once we can like totally take advantage of their bogus luck and like come away with an awesome result. Or not. 

So like on Sunday, when Cagliari choked in Rome, Petcovic lined up his gnarly eleven of Marchetti; Pereirinha, Radu, Cana, Novaretti; Biglia, Ederson, Onazi; Anderson, Perea, and Candreva. Klose came on and scored a totally wicked goal, and Candreva scored a sweet penalty, too. Even though the shots were like almost identical, and possession was like super even, those wicked eagles pulled off a totally righteous win.

Ummm... yeah. Please don't let this dude near the goal. He's a major bummer for our trashed defense.

So like Milan are like sooo totally bummin’. After a couple of sick performances, we totally bombed on Sunday in Parma. And as if that wasn’t lame enough, Silvestre got a bogus muscle injury and left us completely hangin’. And with Mexes’ suspension for getting bent vs. Juve, our back line is looking majorly trashed. Bummer, dude. When you try to wrap your mind around the defensive wipeout that is our bogus signature defensive moves, and consider that Zaccardo and Zapata are likely to be our sketchy center backs, it’s like whatever. At least we are at home, brah. That’s gotta mean something. I mean, I would love to see Milan beast this one, but let’s be real.

Allegri is like an epic buzzkill, and so he’s got me totally psyched out. I was amped about his starting lineup on Sunday, but something tells me he’ll totally tweak his starting eleven. Or not. Who knows what is up with that dude, he seriously bugs. Is Balotelli gonna see some action? Or will that totally “deep” Matri dude get the start? Will we be stoked to see Kaka again? Or how about that young punk Saponara? It’s like a massive downer to consider him starting Constant over De Sciglio, but the man is a total freak, anything could happen. Like Gabriel should totally start, but everyone else is kinda like in limbo, you know?

Like a million excuses not to start him. But one massive reason to start him: Matri. 

Seriously, I have to believe that maybe, just maybe our boys can pull off the epic win. I just want some good vibes, even if it’s only one game. Or if it ends up like a bad trip, I just wanna find something to hold on to, man. I just don’t think I can handle those gnarly eagles taking all three points.

This post inspired by the righteous Southern California weather that lets me wear t-shirts outdoors at the end of October

Milan vs. Lazio

Wednesday, October 30 • 20:45 CET (3:45 EDT)

This match is NOT being broadcast LIVE in the U.S.

Check the comments for stream links ahead of the match