Inter-Milan Preview: Ophidiophobia

What is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year” is turning out to be my worst nightmare. After scraping through the Roma match and my fear of wolves, now I have to face my very worst nightmare: my abnormal fear of snakes, or ophidiophobia. That’s right, it’s time for the Derby della Madonnina. And as if that weren’t scary enough, Inter are in 5th place on the table, while we languish in tenth. So I am nearly literally scared to death.

I'm not the only one with obidiophobia

It’s not just the incredible rivalry, nor is it just the fact that Milan’s form is poor and Inter’s form is much better this year. It’s also Allegri’s record. During his tenure at Milan, Inter and Milan have met 7 times, including the Super Coppa in Beijing. He has won three, lost three, and drawn one. All three times he won were technically in the Scudetto season, and he hasn’t won since then. This year isn’t looking any better.

Inter have won seven matches this year, drawn seven matches, and only lost two. The fact that one of those losses was just last week to Napoli doesn’t make me any less scared, as I think that if anything, they will be seeking revenge on us, and we are easy fodder for them this year. Add to that their partial stadium ban that was meant to leave the Curva Nord empty and coreo-free after Inter fans were found guilty of territorial discrimination last week. However, it sounds like, as of this writing, the Curva Nord will be there. So our only real advantage against i biscione, or the grass snakes, is gone.

The legend is back. Will he punish us?

Well there is one more advantage: Alvarez is suspended after receiving a second yellow last week. Mazzarri is stil missing Walter Samuel and Christian Chivu, and also Milito, who was hoping to make it back but apparently will not. The players who did play last week vs. Napoli were Handanovic; Campagnaro, Ranocchia, Rolando; Jonathan, Alvarez, Cambiasso, Taider, Nagatomo; Palacio, and Guarin. Even without the injured and suspended players, Mazzarri has plenty of healthy players to punish us.

Meanwhile, Milan will be missing Montolivo due to suspension. Which may actually work to our advantage, sadly, with his current form. But we are also missing Constant, Birsa, Silvestre, Amelia, El Shaarawy, and Robinho. Several players are uncertain for this match as of this writing, including Abate, Emanuelson, and Mexes. Did I mention I have an abnormal fear of snakes? This is not helping.

Will Balotelli punish his old club? Will Kaká score his 100th goal?

So Allegri will field 11 players. In a formation. Probably the Christmas tree formation, and not just because it will be only 3 days before Christmas. While I’d love to see Pazzini return and score on his former club, or Balotelli to punish them or Kaká to get his 100th goal, I fear whether anyone from Milan will score at all. Despite showing some signs of life vs. Roma, I am scared to death for our team to face Inter on Sunday. It’s not just the obidiophobia. It’s everything. And Santa doesn’t even come until Wednesday, either. Normally, I’m excited when it comes time for the derby. But this time, I’m scared to death.

This post inspired by the music of The Cure’s “The Snakepit”

Inter vs. Milan

Sunday, December 22 • 20:45 CET (2:45pm EST)

This match will be broadcast on BeIN Sport and RAI in the US

Check here for stream links before the match