The Obligatory New Kit Post 2014-15

In a slow news week, you would think I would have been all over the release of the new kits, particularly with my fashion background. But I am not excited about these new kits at all. The first and third kits were officially released this week, and the excitement surrounding them really couldn’t be any less. Despite Galliani’s ridiculous superstitions about the yellow shirt, Milan’s approved designs for next year reflect this past year’s season, without any hope of a Seedorf to rescue them. That’s right, guys, next year’s kits have been Allegri-ed™.

Standing proud no matter how ridiculous the designs are, our new 2014-15 home kits

I’ll start with the pastel yellow third kit. No one should wear pastel yellow. Ever. Anyone who knows anything about people and colors knows it is one of the worst colors ever for human skin, it drains the color from every kind of skin color and makes people look as if they’re ill. At least when the boys wear them, if they give a poor performance, they will look as if they had an excuse. Also, who came up with the font for the names and numbers on the back? And who is supposed to be able to read it, especially from afar? If you get this kit and people are staring at you, don’t be flattered, it’s just going to take them a while to decipher the letters and numbers.

Forza Brazil! Oh, wait...

You can't have too much yellow...

Other than that, I actually like the rest of the design. The tricolore stripe across the back yoke is nice when paired with the green and red detail on the sleeve, the red there tying into the red of the crest and the font, the green obviously tying into the rest of the trim. And v-necks like this are perhaps my favorite neckline, it looks comfortable and sporty. Ironically, Milan claim they designed it as a tribute to Brazil and all of the Brazilians who have played for the club, yet not a single Brazilian Milan player was called up for the World Cup, which is, of course, being played in Brazil this summer. Jinx.

If I were naming that font, I'd call it WTF?!

Moving down to the first kit… ummm…. let’s see…. something positive…. ummmm… I like the St. Ambrose crest. If you didn’t know, St. Ambrose served as Archbishop of Milan and is the Patron Saint of the city. His crest also became the flag of Milan, and is reflected in one half of AC Milan’s crest, so this is a tribute to the heritage and tradition of Milano. If you still need the traditional Milan crest, you should buy the shorts, as they will still have it.

It's no Casa Milan

That’s it. The rest of the kit is horrific. How monochromatic red stripes or a giant ugly black panel down the front have anything to do with tradition, I’ll never know. I suppose they were meant to echo the Fabio Novembre designs of the new Casa Milan? Only he got those right, Adidas did not. Don’t even get me started on the mandarin style collar or the buttons… they look so uncomfortable and also unflattering. The insets of the solid red panels on the sleeves and back look hideous, and only the tricolore stripe of the back yoke and the classic white Adidas stripes look more out of place on this design. The fit is terrible on the players. I would say that there would be hope of at least a decent font for the backs of the jerseys, but looking at the third kit font, I’ve given up all hope of that.

Not official, but if it is real, it's the best of the three by a landslide

The second kit has not officially been released, but the leaked pictures have a lot of redeeming qualities. The crew neck and overall cut look nice. I don’t even mind the horizontal pinstripes across the front, it gives some depth to a traditionally all white kit. But the giant red and black stripes across the bottom leave me scratching my head. Design elements like that are used to call attention to a particular body part, especially when they are so bold. So why there? And if the players tuck them in to their white shorts, it’s gonna look ridiculous. Still, by far, the best option of the three kits, if it is in fact accurate.

My recommendation: Go to the AC Milan Store now and buy one of these while they last.

My personal advice, coming from both my personal taste and my fashion design background, is to grab yourself a home kit from this season now. (or maybe more than one?) They are so much better than these new ones, and as an added benefit, they are now on sale at the Milan store. But buy now, because anyone else with any taste is going to be doing the same thing now that these have been released.

This post inspired by the music of Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy"

Our next match is

Atalanta vs. Milan

Sunday, May 11 • 12:30 CEST (6:30am EDT)