5 Reasons You Will Never Read a List of 5 Things on This Blog

There is a common journalistic format that involves making lists of five things. And while the people who write these lists get paid to count to five for you, I don’t. I am not a journalist, although I did take journalism before and therefore decided that I never will work in that field. Especially because I could never in good conscience take any compensation for writing the drivel that accompanies these lists. Well and for so many other reasons. I don’t get paid a dime and my work may never be read by millions worldwide, either. But at least at the end of the day I can look at myself in the mirror and go to sleep with my soul in tact. Also, because I have something these journalists apparently don’t have: respect for my readers.

The Bonera of football journalism

If I were to make a list of five reasons you would never read such a list on this blog, reason number five could be that not everything can be effectively broken down into a list of five. Sometimes it’s just one really good reason, other times it’s four or eight or whatever. Football is not a cookie-cutter format that wraps itself neatly into the number five. There are plenty of things that require more or less bullet points for a proper discussion.

As for reason number four, using any kind of set format limits your ability to express your thoughts. There are so many ways to write, and so many formats to choose from. Heaven forbid you should actually get paid for writing what you want, that would simply be heresy. Or the world might actually end if the big papers and sites allowed their writers a little leniency on the format and style.

The number three reason would be that five is such a random number. And it has nothing to do with football. A match is 90 minutes, played in two halves, with 22 players, etc. To discuss the beautiful game in increments of five makes no sense whatsoever, and clearly is a random number chosen by news agencies to cater to what they believe is your attention span and intelligence.

Which brings me to the number two reason: it insults your intelligence. Do these people really believe that you can only count to five? Or have they done their research and decided that the average person can only manage to process five bullet points? Not one subject or two or three bullet points, or heaven forbid the antiquated top ten lists. Just five. Because you the reader are apparently an idiot, according to places who make lists of five things.

Just because he gets paid, doesn't make him credible

And the top reason lists of five are ridiculous? Because it insults the people who get paid. Many of them are talented writers, but they also have to eat. So rather than hold out for work that is worthy of their talent or take another fulfilling job and wait for the chance to get paid for doing what they love best, they sell their souls and put their names on these ridiculous pieces and hope that they can pay the bills. To each their own, but you can’t put a price on self-respect. Or some semblance of social responsibility, for that matter.

Which brings me to…. oops, I already made five points… see how silly this is? Another problem that I have with these lists is the lack of integrity involved in the writing itself. They are rarely accurate, well-researched, or even decently written. Just a list of five things to throw to the masses so they can collect a paycheck. There is no concept of social responsibility, in fact stirring up ignorance within five bullet points seems to be part of the format. They are often opinion-based, but written as factual to further mislead the masses.

There used to be some semblance of integrity in sports journalism, but apparently it's extinct, too

If reading this makes you think twice about clicking or sharing links to those lists of five things, then there is hope for you yet. But I know that for the hundreds of people who read this post, there will be millions to read each and every one of those lists of five. Those journalists who write those pieces will get paid, the companies that host them will make money in advertising for every click. Because, you know, millions of people are okay with their intelligence being insulted, and will read whatever is easiest to access rather than holding out for something that someone put some thought into. All of those journalists are happy just to get paid and so will write anything they’re told to write regardless of whether or not it’s true or even socially responsible. On this blog, I will always do my best to keep you informed with accurate information. I will write from my heart and give you different types of posts about Milan for variety. I may continue to be poor and settle for hundreds or thousands of views per post instead of the millions that those lists will get, but I will also have my self respect and integrity. And you can’t put a price on that.

This post inspired by the music of Rammstein

Our next match is

Milan vs. Fiorentina

Sunday, October 26 • 20:45 CET (3:45pm EDT)*

*note the end of European daylight savings time changes the time difference