Saving Milan

With the club under such scrutiny and having such poor results, Galliani has turned to an unusual new tactic in the transfer market. In the past two weeks, he has signed both Jesus and a Savior. Jesus of course, is the first given name of Suso, otherwise known as Jesús Joaquín Fernández Sáenz de la Torre, and the Savior would be Salvatore (Italian for “Savior”) Bocchetti. I don’t know that either of them are the second coming of Christ, and I doubt that both of them together will “save” Milan. But it is a very interesting choice of tactics for i Diavoli.

He wears a shawl like Jesus

Suso of course is an attacking midfielder/winger/midfielder/whatever Inzaghi calls him today who is 21 years old and was riding the bench at Liverpool after a loan deal at Almería last year. Once seen as perhaps the second coming of Christ, he had more recently under-impressed and was thus not getting playing time. But that doesn’t matter at Milan. That is the kind of revelation that earns you a 4.5 year contract worth €1.5m annually, with a €1.3m transfer fee going to Liverpool, of course. I mean the biblical Jesus was also young and unproven when he started his ministry, wasn’t he? Although I suppose it actually ended quite badly for him, now that I think of it.

Which brings us to our Savior, Salvatore Bocchetti. He is a left-footed center back who can also play as a full back (somewhere in Torino, Allegri just started drooling.) Because when you have a defense as inept as ours, the only thing you are missing is a Serie B defender who spent two years in Serie A at Genoa and has been playing in Russia for the past five years. I mean he’s 28, and hasn’t been called up to the national team in like five years, so he must be one hell of a defender, right? He must have heard that Conte is looking to call up players from Serie B, hence Milan. Even if he could save us, his loan deal is only through the end of the season so far anyway.

Can't tell if he's proud of that crest or is trying to get it off of him so it doesn't burn his skin

I honestly have nothing personal against either of these guys. I want to see how they play before I put any faith in their redemptive powers. I mean, I have vague memories of seeing Bocchetti play, and I think he was okay. But my cynicism is toward Galliani, who looks to Jesus and a Savior to try to bail him out of the hole he has been digging for years with all of his free transfers, high wages, and long contracts. Not even God himself will be able to save him if he keeps this up.

I have long been a firm believer that his time is up at Milan, and I believe that even these two transfers, as well as the courting of Destro and others that are rumored, are proof eternal of that fact. Even if Jesús and Salvatore come good and help us out, they are not the kinds of players we need to be rebuilding with. And swelling our already bloated squad out of desperation at the end of the mercato is certainly not going to save us either, especially since we already have the third highest wage bill in Serie A, with a squad that is midtable at best and performing like a relegation team.

No place in heaven for him, but he's something worse than hell

When does it end? Can anyone save Milan? I believe it ends when the man who plays God of the transfers steps down. There is no Jesus that can save this team. There is no Savior who can justify the costs incurred by the terrible business deals of Galliani over the years. Berlusconi’s checkbook alone isn’t big enough to clean this mess up. We have to do something different, because if you keep doing the same things, you keep getting the same results. Even looking to heaven is not going to help the red devils. So while I welcome Jesus and my Savior to Milan, and hope they can achieve heavenly results, only Galliani’s retirement or dismissal can save Milan from Galliani.

This post inspired by the music of the Sex Pistols

Our next match is

Milan vs. Parma

Sunday, February 1 • 20:45 CEST 2:45pm EST