Juventus vs. Milan Preview: When J’s Attack

I would say that we have a chance in hell of winning this one. One chance. Away to the Juventus fortress, where they have won every home game for a Serie A record of 30 games. Okay, maybe one chance was too high. They are also coming off of a lackluster draw to Udinese away on Sunday, and we get to be their warmup for killing off Porto in the Champions League at Juventus stadium next Tuesday. Lucky us. So as I mentioned on the latest podcast, all we’ve got left this week is to be able to make fun of their logo. Which at least provides endless hours of entertainment.

They just made it so easy

Allegri is getting wiser in his balding old age. When there are troubles in the locker room and the team tends to play poorly even if they get a late result, it’s time to run. Juventus insist he’ll be their coach next year, but if Allegri learned anything from Milan, he’ll be grabbing one of those jobs in other leagues that he is linked to and start the honeymoon period all over. Not that it helps us any, unless he is distracted by his language lessons or dreaming of foreign cuisine. But even if his head is in the clouds, he’s got an unstoppable machine at his disposal, and even on autopilot, they could crush our weary souls in their sleep.

Consider that on Sunday, in their draw to Udinese, he lined up Buffon; Chiellini, Bonucci, Sandro, Alves, Dybala, Khedira, Pjanic, Higuain, Mandzukic, and Cuadrado. Sure, it’s a little pathetic that they didn’t crush Udinese, let alone at least score first. But consider that his bench options were Benatia, Rincon, Pjaca, Barzagli, Lichtsteiner, Marchisio, Asamoah, Rugani, etc. We are so screwed. He is missing Chiellini and Sturaro to injury, and I believe Cuadrado to suspension, but that certainly won’t stop them from destroying all of our hopes and dreams and then celebrating with their fans in their beautiful shiny stadium.

How flattering to have been the model for the new logo, but he'll miss this one

While Montella has been amazingly patient with the cards he’s been dealt at Milan, he was never given a squad that even rivals Juventus’ bench. Additionally, he’ll still be missing Abate, Bonaventura, and Montolivo to injury. Suso said after sustaining a minor muscle injury in the game on Sunday that he would be fine, but will the doctors agree? Antonelli is back in training, but there may still be some doubt as to whether he’ll be ready or not to travel to Turin.

The biggest question on a lot of fans’ minds is how the referee will perform. Juventus has become falsely synonymous with tampering with referees, when during Calciopoli, the evidence showed that Milan, Galliani, and our referee designee, Meani, actually did far more and far worse. That small-minded idea that if a big club is winning they must be getting favors from the referee stems from sheer ignorance and people not actually watching the games like they used to. Sadly, in today’s world, people read something on Twitter, without even considering the source, and that becomes their reality. It’s so embarrassing. Especially when Milan have been granted ridiculous favors such as Ocampos’ “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” penalty against Chievo on Sunday. Needless to say, you have been warned, if I see your ignorance showing anywhere on social media, I’ll call you out. No mercy.

Please. It's a hilarious pic, but insults your intelligence if you believe it's true.

It’s tough to see a way that we come out of this with three points. Sure, we beat them in October in our house. And yes, we snatched the Supercoppa right out of their soon-to-be-redesigned-after-two-years-of-research-little hands in December. But more recently, they knocked us on our behinds right out of the Coppa Italia in their house. And that is where we are heading again on Friday. Like lambs to the slaughter, Milan is a team whose very ownership is still hanging in the balance. Competing against a team that is a well-oiled winning machine from the top of its management to the bottom of its ridiculous new logo. Of course I dream of breaking their home winning streak. Who doesn’t? But realistically, we’d be so lucky to even get a point. Because we all know what happens when J’s attack.

This post inspired by the music of twenty one pilots’ “Heavydirtysoul”

Juventus vs. Milan

Friday, March 10 • 20:45 CET (2:45pm EST)

This match will be shown LIVE on RAI and BeIN Sports in the U.S.

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